Why Charles should be seen and not heard...

	Do you REALLY care what Prince Charles thinks...
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Martin Townsend

TO COIN a phrase beloved of Edmund Blackadder, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have always struck me as a couple who are wetter than a haddock’s bathing costume.

Neil Hamilton

SADLY, it is not too difficult to believe the following imaginary discussion occurring in the White House last week: “Mr President, Russian troops have invaded Georgia.” “Hell, I was playing golf in Atlanta only a few weeks ago. How’d they manage to sneak across the Atlantic without us noticing? Let’s nuke Moscow immediately.”

Adam Helliker

WHILE Madonna has been at pains to put on a brave face (she popped in to see her consultant Jean Louis Sebag for a spot of last-minute Botox before yesterday’s 50th birthday celebrations) following the rumours about her troubled marriage, Guy Ritchie has been finding comfort from his great friend Jack, as in Jack Daniel’s.

Jim Holden

WHAT a party British sport had in Beijing yesterday. Gold medals arrived in a waterfall of glory and another glittering cascade is expected today.

Richard and Judy

RICHARD SAYS...I vividly remember the day of Princess Margaret’s wedding to Anthony Armstrong-Jones in 1960 because I fell down our stairs, top to bottom, and it was all Margaret’s fault.