Naked selfies and drug use: Our agony aunt answers your questions

OUR agony aunt gets to the heart of your sex and relationship problems

Woman looking sad on the beachGETTY POSED BY MODELS

She feel moving to closer her son's was a huge mistake

Moving closer to my son was a huge mistake

Q. He promised me Sunday lunches, walks on the beach and precious family moments together. 

In the nine months I’ve been here I’ve been to one meal at his house (Christmas dinner) and have never even seen the sea.

Now he has just announced that he and his girlfriend are seriously thinking about moving to Canada. I’m absolutely furious. I abandoned my beautiful home, my friends and my lifestyle in order to please him.

Now I feel dumped in a place I don’t know (and don’t particularly like) with no one around me. When I complain about how he’s treated me, he just says, “Life moves on.” What am I meant to do now?

A. Is moving back to your old location – or even somewhere near it – an option? Don’t allow your pride to hold you back. This experiment hasn’t worked out. Hold your hands up and say, “I made a mistake.” Talk to your old friends and see what they suggest. As for your son, don’t allow him to make you become resentful or bitter.

Yes, it’s disappointing that he’s let you down, but we all have to look out for ourselves in this world so endeavour to bounce back. Ultimately, if you do have to stay where you are, then involve yourself with local groups activities and vow to make the most of this new stage.

I feel betrayed by his naked selfies

Q. Three months ago I caught my partner taking naked pictures  of himself on his phone. He was writhing around on our bed and snapping away. Eventually he admitted he was exchanging them with a number of women he’d met on the internet. He’s promised faithfully he’ll never do it again.

But now I just can’t look at him the same way. The trust has gone from our relationship and I don’t know if we can ever get it back.

A. Your relationship can never be the same again because you’ve faced a serious test. But couples do survive hiccups and traumas all the time. 

I suggest you keep talking and find out why he did this in the first place. Ultimately, is this a relationship breaker? Can you carry on living with this man and can you forgive him in order to wipe the slate clean? If he simply can’t convince you that nothing like this will occur again, then I fear you may well be doomed.

How do I help him break his drug habit?

Q.I was shocked and disappointed when I caught my boyfriend taking cocaine at a party. Now I realise he takes this drug on a regular basis. I accept that he has a stressful job, but I really don’t approve. He’s up one minute and down the next and I have no way of knowing how much this habit is costing him in terms of his income and his health. How do I make him understand how worried I am?

A. Unfortunately, cocaine use has more than trebled in the UK in two decades. A report from The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs says that there are clear health risks with even infrequent cocaine use. Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns and see if he’ll look at the FRANK website (talktofrank.com) with you. He needs to understand the risks of taking this very strong drug and be assured that there is help available to him. Cocaine is also illegal and he is breaking the law.

Sex matters

Q.How do I end a relationship with a woman who refuses to leave my home? I’ve been with my partner for six years and the love and desire just isn’t there any more. I don’t want to have sex with her and yearn to be single again.

Yet any time I ask for a separation she breaks down in tears and begs for more time to make things right. It’s getting to the point where I literally have to push her away in bed, which is upsetting for both of us. I respect her and hate hurting her like this, but I need to know how to convince her that it’s over.

A. Don’t speak to your partner in anger. Vow to treat her with civility and respect. Pick the right moment (preferably away from the bedroom) and make it clear that, regrettably, this relationship has run its course and you need her to leave. Give her a reasonable, specific moving-out date that allows her time to gather her belongings and find a new place to stay. Not all relationships go the distance and you’re entitled to be honest, so try not to feel guilty. Don’t back down and don’t give in to emotional blackmail.

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