'My boyfriend died too young' Woman on losing her partner to bowel cancer at 28

IT'S often thought that bowel cancer only affects older people – so when it struck Ben Wellings at 28, it was a shock to everyone

Tamsin Caruana, boyfriend, Ben Wellings, bowel cancer, tragedy, Lucy BenyonS MAG

Tamsin Caruana on losing boyfriend Ben Wellings to bowel cancer at the age of 28

Tamsin Caruana, 32, runs a knitting business and lives in Hanwell, west London. She was devastated by the loss of her boyfriend Ben to bowel cancer in November 2013. She says:

 “Some people dream of climbing mountains or making millions, but I just wanted to find my soul mate and live happily ever after. And until recently, it looked like my dream was coming true: I’d been with my boyfriend Ben for three years and we were so happy. 

Ben was everything I wanted – funny, bright, thoughtful and cheerful, a natural extrovert who compensated for my shyness. We shared a passion for the environment and the countryside, worked at the same company and had a flat in west London.

People, especially GPs, need to realise that bowel cancer isn’t just an old person’s illness – it can happen to anyone

Tamsin Caruana

But one afternoon in March 2013, he rang to tell me he’d been rushed to hospital. He’d been off work with stomach pains and a GP had ordered blood tests. As soon as the results came in, the doctor had called him an ambulance. Apparently he was severely anaemic and needed a transfusion.

Shocked, I rushed to hospital where Ben was propped up in bed, smiling. “It’s probably nothing to worry about,” he told me and his mum Chris. 

But the pain got worse and a couple of days later, he needed another transfusion and was kept in hospital for tests. Doctors seemed to think he had ulcerative colitis – a painful bowel disease.

Ben had been suffering from diarrhoea and blood in his stools for 18 months. He’d gone to the doctor a year earlier, only to be told he probably had piles. He went back in November 2012 and was told he was too young to have anything seriously wrong with him but may have irritable bowel syndrome.

I knew his symptoms still troubled him, though. He’d given up rich foods and alcohol, but it hadn’t made much difference, and lately he’d been really pale and listless. I just hoped the doctors would finally find out what was wrong, but Ben was still in hospital three weeks later. It seemed to take so long to get answers and I was due to go on a study course in Wales for my Masters. 

Ben insisted I go and after a few days, he rang me there. “I have bowel cancer,” he told me.

Stunned, I listened as he told me a colonoscopy and biopsy had revealed a cancerous tumour on his bowel. I cried as I rushed back and the moment we hugged in the hospital, we both broke down. But within minutes, Ben was his normal, optimistic self. He needed an operation to remove the tumour. “We’ll give you chemo afterwards just to be sure,” his consultant told us. 

bowel cancerS MAG

'This is my favourite photo of us'

Ben had cycled everywhere and went to the gym. Because he was so young and fit, the doctors seemed positive – as were we. “Let’s get this out of the way then we can think about our trip,” he joked. It was our dream to cycle around Europe. 

He was sent home for a week to rest before the operation and we pottered about at home. But on the third night, Ben developed a high fever and was in such pain, I had to rush him back to hospital. An infection had caused the tumour to burst – and the operation to remove it took an agonising four hours. When the consultant came out, he was smiling. “We removed all the cancer,” he told me, Chris and Ben’s sisters Beckie and Amanda. 

But a few days later, doctors told us the cancer had affected 30 out of 32 lymph nodes in his bowel and he was at Dukes’ C on the system of measuring bowel cancer. This meant it had spread outside the bowel but not to other parts of the body. 

Ben started his first of six rounds of chemo a couple of weeks later. It made him feel sick and he had trouble sleeping, but we still made an effort to do things. Friends would join us for dinner in the garden, we would go out walking, spend time with family and make plans. One day we hoped to move to the countryside and perhaps have children. 

But that August, Ben became ill again. He had a terrible pain in his abdomen and was rushed back to hospital, where scans revealed a spot on his liver. 

Ben and I held on to each other. “We’ll get through this,” we both said.

A week later, tests revealed that the pain in Ben’s stomach was being caused by another tumour that needed to be removed. The surgery was risky, but we both knew we had to go ahead.

A tumour the size of a football was removed and, as Ben lay in intensive care, a doctor told us: “You know he could die from organ failure right now.” But he pulled through and, within a couple of weeks, was recovering at home.

But when a nurse visited, she was concerned his wound wasn’t healing properly and told us to go to hospital. By then, Ben had back pain and was struggling to eat. He was drowsy, too, but nobody seemed to be telling us anything and the constant fear and frustration was overwhelming. 

He was becoming too weak to walk, but his oncologist insisted he could have more chemo as soon as he was stronger. A couple of days later, a scan revealed another tumour on his back. 

On their daily rounds, doctors would tell Ben he wasn’t going to make it and that he needed to be in a hospice. He would call me in a terrible state. We were confused because his oncologist had said he could have more treatment.

The doctors couldn’t give us straight answers and I was scared to ask too much. And yet hope never left me – how could it, since Ben was so determined? But I think I knew where we were heading. My mum and I visited the nearby Meadow House Hospice and it was so peaceful, we insisted that Ben was moved there immediately. 

“Do I need to pay for this?” he joked as he was shown his room. Somehow, in spite of everything, he could still make everyone laugh. 

Ben spent most of his time sleeping and the wonderful staff gave me a camp bed next to him so we could lie there holding hands. Sometimes he seemed confused but, at other times, incredibly lucid. One afternoon he asked if the nurses could help him out of bed so he could do some squats. 

“I need to get fit for chemo,” he said.

After four days at the hospice, he passed away in the early hours of the morning, just six months after his diagnosis. I was by his side. He was too young – this shouldn’t have happened. 

Ben’s parents and I wrote to his surgery to ask why he wasn’t given tests earlier. It responded saying the GP acted properly as bowel cancer is so rare in young people, but that the practice will be more aware in future.

People, especially GPs, need to realise that bowel cancer isn’t just an old person’s illness – it can happen to anyone. This is why I’m supporting Bowel Cancer UK’s Never Too Young campaign, which aims to raise awareness of the disease in young people.” 

Bowel cancer: the facts

According to Bowel Cancer UK, 40,000 people in the UK are diagnosed with bowel cancer each year. Only five per cent are under 50, but they are more likely to be diagnosed at a later stage.

Symptoms of bowel cancer include a change in bowel habits that lasts for more than three weeks, bleeding from the bottom, extreme tiredness, unexplained weight loss and a lump or pain in the stomach. 

If the disease is caught at the earliest stage, 93 per cent of patients will still be alive five years later. Less than seven per cent of sufferers diagnosed when the cancer has spread will see the five-year mark.

Lifestyle factors such as smoking, obesity and a diet high in red or processed meat and low in fibre can all lead to an increased risk of developing bowel cancer. 

For more information on bowel cancer, visit bowelcanceruk.org.uk/never-too-young.

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